Don’t Feel Guilty for not being ‘Social’- A Confession Turned into Gentle Reminder

I am not an introvert. I like to meet people. I love people. But, I am not social. Wait a minute! Before you tag me as ‘unsocial,’ let me tell you I am ‘ selectively social ’. Already confused, right? Ok! Let me get it straight!

I like to meet new people every day; I like to talk to them discussing our likes and dislikes; I may like to have brunch together with them. But, at the end of the day, I need a very close circle to rest my head upon. And, thankfully, I always get one. Although it is not the same at every phase of life, it is genuine and comfortable every time.

My school days are full of permutation and combination rather than fun and mischief. As I could not socialize with everybody, chasing alike-minded people has been a goal for a long time in my life. However, I got such people in school, finally. I enjoyed my teen days with them.

After the adolescence days are over, college days knocked at the door. And that ‘ selectively social ’ I got new circle at college as the previous one got scattered. The new circle brought new hues in life. The laughter, cries, cheers within the circle kept the social me alive.

Every time, my circle helps me stay connected to the ‘society,’ the outer world. Otherwise, I would have lost in my own world, alienating myself from the others. Thanks, my circles, for keeping me sane!

The circle may not include more people. It usually does not. One or two individuals! Or sometimes, if everything goes right, three or four! Enough number of people to socialize with! The enclosed circle gradually becomes the space to express the world’s emotions — pain, love, sorrow, astonishment, embellishments. The whole package of feelings with which you can be considered as a part of society! Those like me who always get attracted by the lure of loneliness feel connected to the world with these people.

Well, so, I am not social. And I am not guilty for not being it. I may not fit into the norms of ‘society.’ And I am happy with it. I prefer roaming around secluded hills and jungles with my circle over a celebration party with large gatherings. I prefer enjoying evening tea with my circle over a crowded concert. I prefer being ‘ selectively social ’ over being an impressive social. And you too! Don’t be so harsh on yourself if you cannot socialize!

Whether you are an introvert or a selectively social like me, be what you are. It is ok not to be social. It is ok not to post smiling pictures on social media. It is ok not to meet people regularly. It is ok to read, write, and sing within four walls than going out. It is ok to view sunset at a lonely peak. What is not ok is trying to be what you are not. And, of course, it is not ok to harm others in the name of being you. It is not ok if you run away from responsibilities while being you. Rest is fine!

The realization came much later. Like you, I, too, had been struggling for so long to cope with the norms of socializing. Even today also, I do it sometimes. But, deep down, my heart knows who I am. And there is no wrong in being that. I love to contribute to society being that ‘selectively social’ person. Indeed, contributions become more valid and productive when you do them with a sane mind and a content heart. Being real is the first step towards achieving both of them.

Now, my fellow ‘not-so-social’ people!! Stop feeling guilty seeing people enjoying large gatherings! Quickly remind yourself of these affirmations you find below!

· I am happy being who I am.

· It is ok not to feel good every time.

· Being away from the crowd doesn’t mean being unsocial

· I will not force myself to socialize.

· I am not abnormal, just a bit different from the majority.

Found it relatable? How social are you? I would love to hear from you. Let’s scribble your stories in the comment box below.